How to get your husband to help with parenting
That feeling of overwhelm and resentment towards your husband when it comes to parenting, and ya know all the rest of that jazz…like bath time, dinner, bedtime…
We’ve all felt it before…
I struggled with this and you want to know what the one thing was that helped me stop feeling overwhelmed and full of resentment?
I needed to let my husband parent. HIS WAY.
I know what you’re thinking…
“If I leave him to do it, it ends up being more work because I either have to prep everything for him, or he doesn’t do it right so I will have to fix it or clean it up.”
“He won’t do it the “right” way” (which we all know the right way is our way.)
And you’re right, he’s not going to do it your way. You have to let him do it in his own way. And no, you can’t micromanage every situation when he does it.
Trust me, I had to overcome this too. I had to be ok with him doing it his way. (easier said than done)
So, you have 3 choices.
- You can continue to micromanage him, and stay in the overwhelm
- You can do it all by yourself and still be overwhelmed
- You can LET GO and be okay with your kids eating cold hot dogs and tortilla chips for dinner so you can get your mental health back
What it all comes down to is, you really want him to be a partner, you want him to do his fair share around the house, but you can’t also want to micromanage and control everything either. That just leads to him resenting YOU.
Here’s an example:
-Your folding laundry and your husband walks in and says “that’s not how you fold a towel” you would be like “EXCUSE ME, how dare you say I’m doing it wrong?!”
-He’s watching the kids so you can go to dinner or have a girl's night, but then you come home and instantly say “you put her in those jammies? We don’t do those types of jammies we use the other kind on Wednesdays” Your husband would look at you like “I just got her to sleep didn’t I?”
If you want your husband to do more, let him, without micromanaging him. It won't be done your way, but it will get done and you didn't have to do it.
For us, letting him do more not only reduced the overwhelm but the kids were totally fine too! And it actually led to him having MORE APPRECIATION for what I do because I do everything on a different level of precision and detail, just like you most likely do!
Take time for yourself and be okay with how he parents when you’re gone. It will do wonders for your sanity and his! The kids will be loved, fed, and well taken care of, it will just be done his way. There really is no downside.
@sandboxacademy If you want your husband to do more, let him, without micromanaging him. It wont be done your way, but it will be done and you didnt have to do it.
If you need some ideas on how to start taking more time for yourself so you can practice letting him parent his own way, read this blog post with my favorite tips for self-care, and outsourcing!